plz talk dirty to me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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