1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
