My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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