I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
