ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.