Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.