UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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