All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
