Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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