So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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