Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
