You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
bring money and cleavage
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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