Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
