giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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