Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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