do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
