i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
