But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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