his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
