Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize