Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We have started to decorate penises.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
