4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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