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• (734): View more from Michigan

  those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!

  (269): View more from Michigan

  ...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.

  Fav 12 4496 1230

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards

  Fav 8 2180 1236

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• (432): View more from Texas

  This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.

  Fav 26 3928 1071

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.

  Fav 14 2247 785

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...

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• (406): View more from Montana

  That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy

  Fav 1 714 523

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?

  Fav 0 33 3

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  how about your cousin?

  Fav 0 93 15

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