if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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