i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
