she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
