two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
