I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
