I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
whose ass print is on the piano?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
