I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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