I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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