mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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