he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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