Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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