you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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