you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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