home. puking in laundry basket.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
