everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
