i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
