So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
