Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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