So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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