He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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