just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
