im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
