Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
