This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
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