vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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