You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
