Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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