What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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