chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
