How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
