Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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