there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my liver is dry heaving
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
