if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
