I'm really into asian looking animals
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
