If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
