maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
