I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
