Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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