I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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